Getting back will certainly be something to celebrate.
M and Blaine haven’t really been in the party spirit lately… I wonder if Puckerman, Mike and Santana are home.
Can’t say I’m excited about leaving New York. At all. But I do miss Kurt, Sam, and the others. Plus, once we get back safely, we’ll have proved your father wrong! We can celebrate to that. Maybe they’ll be in better spirits when we get back?
Jesse’s sleep had been dreamless and uncharacteristically sound, but he was a light sleeper by nature and the shift of the bed as Rachel woke and then carefully untangled herself from his arms made him stir. His arms tightened into his chest, trying to wrap around a sleeping body that was no longer there, and he lay there for a moment, wondering once again who Rachel had dreamed was holding her. He wasn’t envious in that way, of course… just curious about who held that sort of stake in his girl’s heart, since she hadn’t seemed to harbour feelings for her high school sweetheart when she’d told Jesse about him the previous night.
He propped himself up on his elbows to watch her, looking out over the city with her back to him. Although he instinctively disliked that she had tried to move away from him without him waking or noticing - it felt like she was hiding, and he didn’t like to have things hidden from him - he was rather thankful that she had. This was the second time he’d fallen asleep with his arms around Rachel, and it was an unhelpful blurring of lines: the very reason that she wasn’t permitted to share his bed at the house.
“I’m going to speak to the hotel desk,” he said, interrupting her reverie as he got out of bed. Since he’d had the landline in the room disconnected to prevent Rachel accessing it, he would have to use another phone to call his parents and get a car and driver sent over for them. His father would doubtless have something to say about the security issues of their journey home, now that Rachel’s face would be plastered over the morning’s papers and news channels. “I need you to be dressed and ready to leave when I come back… we can blend in with the morning rush. Have the suitcase packed.” His voice was in blunt orders mode - a lot might depend on Rachel doing as he said today, so he couldn’t afford to settle into the quasi-familiarity of last night, and better she get used to it now.
As he spoke, Jesse pulled the t-shirt he’d slept in off over his head and changed into fresh underwear and the dark jeans he had travelled in. Rachel’s back was turned, so she could hardly object - in any case, it was his body on display, not hers. He had just finished telling her what to do when he pulled a clean shirt over his head and walked over to the safe to take out the room key. As he punched in the digits, he glanced at her. He figured she would appreciate having a moment to herself while he was in the hotel lobby… a chance to say goodbye.
Rachel was so caught up in her thoughts, she nearly jumped when Jesse addressed her. She turned her head to listen, but abruptly turned back to the window when she caught a glimpse of him dressing. She managed to stifle a noise of surprise, to her relief. Her face went pink, even though she had hardly seen anything. His lack of boundaries and respect for privacy was infuriating, but she held her tongue. She could tell by his tone he was in an authoritative mood and she didn’t want to push her luck after how well the day before had gone.
Given the high stakes, she figured it an easy guess that Jesse was nervous about the impending day. One slip-up - Rachel’s or even his own - could land him behind bars for a very long time. Rachel fought to keep that perspective against the ever growing emotional torture inflicted upon her at the thought of passing by on the slim chance she could escape if she tried. But then again, there was no point in trying. She could hear him in her head. …if you make any attempt to escape or speak to anyone about your enslavement… not only will it be unsuccessful, but I’ll have no option but to sell you. The thought of getting sold on was more unbearable by the hour.
Once he finished talking, she slowly turned around, hopeful he was dressed. He was, and he was looking at her. “Good morning,” she smiled. Despite his current demeanour, she couldn’t forget the other night. “I’ll be ready,” she promised, wishing to set his mind at ease.
Sometime during the early morning, Rachel’s hand had found its way back to Jesse shirt, subconsciously ensuring he stayed there with her. When she started to wake, she only had faint, lingering feelings of abandonment among other terrors. But they were nothing compared to the foreign yet warm, comforting feelings of a strong arm holding her safe and close. Rachel wasn’t used to sleeping next to someone, or having someone protectively holding her, but it was far more wonderful than she had ever imagined. But when she registered who exactly it was that she was curled up next to, her eyes shot wide open. She had almost expected it to be a continuation of some dream, but it was real. Jesse, fast asleep and utterly adorable with his curls dishevelled, had his arm securely around her waist.
Rachel breathed as quietly as possible and just stared at Jesse for a long moment. She had a sudden memory of him singing Your Guardian Angel. After how he spared her embarrassment at the dinner table with Mercedes and Sam, and then took her to visit her favourite place in the world, she should’ve known. He truly cared about her more than he let on when he was referring to her as his property or one of his “things”. But it wasn’t in the way she found herself wishing about ever since the night before and she realised her own feelings for him.
Except, she thought with a terrible sadness, if he ever did reciprocate such feelings, it would only lead to him selling her. She couldn’t forget when Jesse had said that Bill should’ve sold Cassandra on once he realised what was developing between them. Catch 22. That was Rachel’s life now.
Anticipating that Jesse wouldn’t be thrilled to wake up in their current position, Rachel carefully removed his hand from her waist and then slipped out of bed. Whether it had been a result of his sleepy mind handling some nightmare of hers manifesting itself in her sleeptalk, or perhaps him simply wanting someone to hold on to, it was better for herself if she didn’t entertain such insane, irrational feelings anyway. She had to try and emotionally prepare herself for saying goodbye to New York City. But instead of doing something productive, like changing out of her nightgown or packing, she ended up staring out the window. With bittersweet sorrow, she admired the beauty of Central Park. She had once imagined it would be her backyard - where she might go to study or leaf through a novel when the weather was nice. For all she knew, this could be the last time she ever laid eyes on it.
As Rachel carried on talking in what Jesse could only assume was a nightmare, he realised that it couldn’t be him she was afraid of, although he must be somehow involved - he couldn’t see what reason she would have to call someone else Master. “They won’t get you,” he said soothingly, making another guess at what she was afraid of, since she had seemed to respond to his voice before. When she clung onto him desperately, Jesse felt a pang of curiosity, sadness and a little jealousy as he wondered who he was standing in for - who she needed to feel so much in whatever situation her nightmares had taken her to. He wanted to wake her from it, but he couldn’t remember whether it was just sleepwalkers you weren’t supposed to wake, or if that rule applied to sleeptalkers too… and in either case, she seemed a little calmer now. His hand moved down from her arm again and slipped securely around her waist, pulling her into him closer still until she quietened completely. Jesse was tired, but he gently loosened her tight grip on his shirt and folded her hands more comfortably in front of her, next to his. “You’re safe,” he whispered, sleep swallowing him once again. “I’ve got you.”
Rachel felt like she could believe Jesse, that the men with blurry faces wouldn’t get her. He didn’t like other people touching his things, she remembered. So he wasn’t selling her after all, it seemed. Not for now, at least. But just in case, she kept Jesse in her reach, to make sure he was still there. Once she was fully back in dreamland, her fathers didn’t come back around, but neither did the men with blurry faces who had always handled her so roughly. No more hands grabbed at her, but strong arms kept her safe and sound. She was sure they were Jesse’s arms, because they felt so safe. It was like that time she had fallen asleep in his arms, after he had promised he would never leave her alone again. For the rest of the night, Rachel’s nightmares were kept at bay.
Jesse had drifted deep into slumber, but it was only a few hours later that some disturbance began to drag him back up from the depths of sleep. He frowned at first, and stirred, his body reluctant to give up sleep after being kept awake until a late hour, but eventually a cry pierced Jesse’s consciousness: “No, you can’t!”
He rolled onto his back with a soft groan as he struggled to remember where he was or why there was another body tossing restlessly beside him. “Please… I didn’t do anything wrong!” It was her - his slave - her voice. Jesse yawned and turned on his side towards her, opening his eyes reluctantly. But the moment she screamed the title Master, the title that belonged to him, his eyes snapped open and his hand reached out to grip her shoulder, to still her struggling beneath the covers. It took him a moment to realise that she was dreaming, and that her whimpering was sleep-talk… she sounded terrified, and Jesse’s sleep-fogged mind wondered what punishment he was inflicting to make her sound like that. “I’m here,” he mumbled, hand moving down from her shoulder to grip her arm more firmly, giving her something real for her dream to contend with. “You’re dreaming, I’m not hurting you.”
Another hand coming out of nowhere gripped her like the others, her shoulder this time. “Let me go!” She screamed, trying in vain to jerk away even though she knew it was useless, just like every other nightmare. “Master!” She cried, begging again for him to turn back for her, but then he vanished completed. “No… please, let me go,” she fought again against her captors. I’m here. “Make them let me go,” she pleaded, immediately recognising his voice. She was his, after all. One of the hands lowered to her arm and its grip tightened while the others faded away. You’re dreaming, I’m not hurting you. He was right there, Rachel realised with relief, breaking down into sobs as she came to semi-consciousness. She reached out for him, her hand finding his chest and tightly grasping his shirt, clinging to him as if for her life. “Please don’t,” she whimpered, only half-aware of what she was saying. “I won’t do anything wrong. I promise.” Her body curled into him as her crying died down and she fell back into an uneasy sleep, but her grip on him never let up.
Jesse wrinkled his nose, looking pained at the idea of coming up with a setlist during competition week - performing in front of judges after such a small amount of practice and preparation was effectively showchoir suicide. “You should have,” he agreed with her. “They clearly didn’t take it seriously enough. The director at my high school always used to teach us that showchoir is not a democracy.” Nationals had been held in New York the year after he’d graduated, marking the end of four years of National championships - in another school the team might have been stars, but the parents of kids at Jesse’s school had paid good money to make sure they excelled in every discipline, showchoir being no exception. If he’d been at school a year later, he would have been there to see Rachel’s team lose. She would have seen them shoot to yet another meteoric victory. He wondered whether he would have noticed her.
As her dark eyes - the ones that had caught his attention from behind bars when he’d first seen her, the ones that surely would have compelled him under bright lights on a stage in New York City - locked with his, Jesse looked at her for a moment or two. The many-coloured light from the city outside their window lit her expression enough to see. Then he nodded in acknowledgement of her thanks. He wouldn’t thank her for her forgiveness - he had used those words already tonight, and usually he thanked people rarely. So he simply said, “So am I. It’s been a long day.” Now that he knew what had been occupying Rachel’s thoughts, he was truly tired.”Goodnight, then,” he said, then closed his eyes and settled down to let sleep pull him away.
“Goodnight,” she whispered, closing her eyes, too. She purposely turned away from him and curled up on her side before sleep claimed her. Ever since Jesse had come back from Europe, Rachel’s nightmares had begun to calm down, if only to a degree, but a fresh fear always stirred them anew. The dream started out relatively normal. Jesse was there, and he handed her a phone to call her dads. Rachel punched in a single number and her dads appeared before her, out of nowhere, as Jesse faded away. She ran towards them, but they looked right through her and then turned away. “Dad! Daddy!” She screamed desperately, breaking into a run. But then strong arms grabbed her, gripping her fiercely like they did that day when she was shopping with Kurt in New York City, like they did every night in her nightmares. She tried to twist away, crying and calling for her dads. One of the men with a blurry face spun her away, and suddenly Jesse was there again, Rachel spinning into him hard. The other man let go of her, and Rachel expected Jesse to reach for her, to spin her around like he had the night before, but he didn’t. He shook his head. “I told you I would have no choice, but to sell you.” Rachel immediately broke down into sobs. “I didn’t do anything wrong.” He turned away from her, just like her dads had. “No, you can’t,” she cried as walked away. She tried to run, but the other men were holding her back again. “Please… I didn’t do anything wrong!” She screamed, and out of utter desperation, without thinking much about it, one more word passed her lips. “Master!” She screamed, but he didn’t turn around. Rachel tossed and turned violently in the bed, unaware she was crying and screaming outside of her dream just like she was inside of it.
It was true that her initial opinion of him as a one-dimensional, heartless monster had been false… but part of Jesse couldn’t completely agree with what she was saying now, either. Or her complete forgiveness. He didn’t want her to hate him, but he had thought she would bear at least a little resentment towards him always. And that would have been easier - a barrier between them. A demarcation line. One that he wanted, or at least didn’t know where he stood without.
He watched her as she told him about her moment seeing stars on the Gershwin stage. Watched a tear roll from the corner of her eye and soak into her hair on the pillow, silently and secretly. Despite that she spoke glowingly, so that Jesse could almost see it too - not her and her friend, but the fantasy that had played out in Rachel’s head of her, performing, bright above the heads of an audience who were entirely under her spell.
“I’m glad you enjoyed yourself,” he said, his eyes still on her, although not entirely happy. “And that you agreed to come with me. My parents are always trying to call me up here for one event or another. Perhaps another time we’ll have a few days to spend here.” Jesse and his friends usually talked their way out of family commitments, unless there were a few of them to keep each other company, but with Rachel he might find his trips to New York more entertaining - once the search for her and the other slaves had died down, of course. He hadn’t wanted to come here tonight in the first place, and it had definitely proved more problematic than he’d anticipated, but seeing Rachel truly enjoying herself was a positive, so the evening hadn’t been a total waste of time.
“Did you win?” he asked after a moment or two. “The competition?”
Rachel’s heavy heart lightened as Jesse spoke of how he was glad that she had agreed to come with him. He had kept her by his side most of the night, but she knew that was in part due to the fact he didn’t trust her. If that was different, and he hadn’t had her as a concern, Rachel wondered if he would’ve danced with Sophie the whole evening instead. She was quite pretty, and not a lowly slave. It had seemed like Jesse had fun even though he was responsible for Rachel. But now that he actually said he was glad she came with him, she felt infinitely more confident. She almost smiled. But then he asked how Nationals went. “No,” bitterness was evident in her tone. “We didn’t even place in the top ten. Our director was…” She almost said terrible, but she kind of missed New Direction’s director. Despite his incompetence, he had a good heart. “We held auditions for our opening number at Nationals. It’s not something we normally do, but he was out of ideas. I won by a landslide, but a couple members were jealous. They… they were just starting to like me, it seemed. So when they said they wanted to do it differently, in a way that incorporated more solos for more people, I agreed. But that meant we had to throw away our entire set list and start from scratch, with Nationals just around the corner. We didn’t have a full set list until we got to New York. While he did okay, our lack of preparation cost us.” And she would never have another chance. “It was all my fault.” She scrunched her face up in frustration. “As co-captain of the club, I should’ve insisted we stuck with the original, well-rehearsed set-list.” She let out a deep, shaky sigh. She hadn’t known it at the time, but it had been the last chance she would ever have to prove her talent, and she had failed.
“I’m really tired,” she said softly, stealing a glance at Jesse, expecting his eyes to still be shut. But when she unexpectedly found him looking at her, she froze, locking gazes with him for a long moment. “Thank you, again, for everything,” she whispered.
Jesse’s eyes were closed, but he felt the bed shift when Rachel returned from the bathroom and got into bed. He could sense her, lying beside him. It was late and he was tired enough to sleep, but he could practically hear Rachel’s mind whirring full-speed despite the fact that she was lying still. Wondering what she was thinking about prevented him from getting anywhere close to sleep.
When she called him Master, Jesse’s breath caught. He turned his head sharply towards her, eyes suddenly open, although she was staring straight up at the ceiling, not looking at him. “I forgive you,” she carried on, making his heart falter in its restart, like a guttering candle in his chest. ”For getting in between Broadway and me.”
He stared at her for a moment longer, then closed his eyes, turning his head back to face the ceiling again. He believed her, although he wasn’t sure how, or why she had forgiven him. Her words were important to him, as was the fact that she had chosen to tell him. “Why?” he asked finally, feeling that thanks, or repetitions of his apologies or expressions of gladness weren’t serious enough. His tone was direct, but gentle. “Why now? Nothing has changed. You’ll never feel those spotlights or stand on that stage, and that’s because of me and my choices.” He wasn’t suspicious, but he wanted to understand exactly who she was forgiving, although his head was still reeling with it. “I can’t give you any of that back… and even I could do it, that’s not to say that I would.” Jesse wanted to be honest with her, to make sure that her forgiveness was informed. Rachel deserved her dreams far more than he deserved to have her. But he couldn’t say for certain that he’d give her up, given the option.
Rachel thought she could feel Jesse’s eyes on her, but when she finally gave in and turned her head in his direction, his eyes were still closed. Why? That wasn’t the response she was expecting, but then again, she hadn’t thought about his response at all. She just wanted him to know. As he continued speaking, Rachel watched him, his face lit by the little light that came through the window. As he spoke about how she would never stand on a Broadway stage, her heart wrenched painfully, but then she thought back to the time that her and Kurt sneaked into the Gershwin Theatre. She kept the thought to herself for now, not wanting to interrupt Jesse. That’s not to say that I would. She didn’t miss the emphasis, but it didn’t make her angry like before. It hurt, but she couldn’t ignore everything she had learned today while being in the world he grew up in. “You’re not who I initially thought you were,” she started, spending one more second of time looking at him before she turned her gaze back up to the ceiling.
“For the longest time, all I focused on was the unfairness of my situation and I blindly refused to give you a chance to be anything other than a soulless monster,” she sighed. “Then after our fight the other day, after I said all those awful things… about Mercedes.” About you. There’s more about you than just your talent that I like. And your beautiful voice isn’t really wasted on you. “You told me you were sorry that I had to give up on Broadway. It was hard for me to believe you, but then today you risked the rest of your free life so I could spend one evening in the city I love. You say you wouldn’t give me back Broadway, but you did give me one of the best days of my life in the city of my dreams. How can I not believe you after that? With that, I was able to forgive you. Then I actually forgave you because I wanted to, and because I no longer hold against you the dreams that I lost. I think I started to forgive you a while ago, but I wasn’t able to admit it to myself until today. And I wanted you to know.”
She wanted to turn her head again, perhaps capture a reaction beyond words from Jesse if he had opened his eyes. But instead she kept talking, like she did best. “I did once, actually, you know… Stand on that stage. The stage of the Gershwin Theatre to be exact. My show choir had come here for the Nationals competition. Kurt and I sneaked into the Gershwin Theatre. We were caught, but we convinced the worker to allow us a few minutes to sing on the stage. The lighting was minimal and the theatre was empty, but I could almost sense it all - the brightest of spotlights directly on me, all eyes and ears drinking in my breath-taking performance. As we finished I could almost imagine the packed theatre jumping to their feet with applause and cheers, tossing red roses and flower bouquets as my feet.” Tears quickly filled Rachel’s eyes. She promptly shut them tightly, a few tears slipping out the corner, down along her temple and into her hair. She took in a couple deep breaths. “I may no longer have my dreams, but I’ll always have that memory,” she managed in a steady voice. “And now I have this one, too.” She may not have performed on a Broadway stage today, but she had sung along to West Side Story with a competent male partner and danced in a beautiful ballroom right out of a musical. It was more than she ever could have dreamed it would be like.
Jesse was beginning to get impatient when the bathroom door opened - he didn’t like being kept waiting, and he had told Rachel that he wanted to use the bathroom too. He stood up and took the necklace from her with a brief “A good idea,” before carrying it over to the safe and punching in the digits to place it inside. With the necklace locked away, he turned to face her again, his gaze flicking appreciatively over her nightgown and long, damp hair. She knelt to plug in the hair-dryer, but not before he noticed her avert her eyes from him, her cheeks pink. Although she was no longer looking at him, Jesse smiled, amused by her bashfulness but also pleased with himself to have caught her staring. His intention had simply been to save the effort of getting dressed before stripping off again to shower, but he had never seen Rachel blush like that before, and he enjoyed it. It seemed his girl was capable of entertaining somewhat impure thoughts. “Put it back into the garment bag and hang it in the wardrobe, then,” he instructed her before she turned the hair-dryer on.
Once she had fetched the dress from the bathroom, Jesse took a moment to glance around the suite, running through the security precautions in his head to ensure that he hadn’t overlooked anything that could cause trouble while he was busy showering, but the room was secure. He closed the bathroom door behind him and pushed his boxers down, letting them fall before stepping into the shower and turning it on. The hot, powerful jet of water was soothing… it had been a long day, he realised as some of his tension began to melt away under the water. He was ready to go home tomorrow, that much was for sure - New York was far too difficult under current circumstances.
Once he was done, he emerged from the shower and towel-dried his hair and body. After a moment of allowing himself to imagine Rachel’s reaction if he got into bed beside her stark naked, Jesse grinned and pulled his boxers on. By the time he came back into the bedroom, Rachel was almost finished drying her hair on one side of the bed. He went over to the suitcase and got the t-shirt he’d brought to sleep in, pulling it over his head before climbing into bed on the side that Rachel wasn’t sitting on.
Rachel put the hair dryer down promptly and went to fetch the dress. Aware she had delayed his shower longer than he had wanted her to, she didn’t want to push him in any other way, even if it was small. After doing what he asked, she returned to the hair dryer, grabbing her brush along the way. As she sat on the edge of the bed, brushing and drying her hair, it was hard to get the image of Jesse’s bare chest out of her mind. She had never thought about it exactly, but now she was grateful he wasn’t come creepy old man like she had once imagined about anyone involved in sex trafficking or the alike. And it wasn’t just about his attractiveness, but despite the strict dynamics of their relationship, they had been able to talk to connect when talking about their families, among other things. She wondered what it would be like if they had gone to the same school, only a couple grades apart, been in the same glee club - he did sing after all - and other after school activities. It was so possible in a parallel world where slavery didn’t exist.
When he came back out, Rachel stole a look at his body before he put on a shirt. She was a little relieved, actually. At least now it would be easier to hide her attraction. She didn’t want to give him that kind of upper hand. Once her hair was dry, she stood up. “I’m going to put this back and get a cup of water,” she explained, just to assure him. Throughout the day he had constantly warned her against trying to escape, and she really wanted him to trust her. She was quick, and came back with her cup still half full which she placed on the night stand near her side of the bed before slipping under the covers. Her heart raced as she thought about their close proximity, but she resisted looking at him, and instead, stared up at the ceiling. After a few moments of silence, she felt compelled to say something. It had been the best day of her life since before being kidnapped and she wanted him to know it.
She bit her lip and took in a shaky breath before speaking, still looking up at the pretty hotel ceiling.
“Master,” addressed in a soft tone. The word wasn’t half as heavy as it had been only yesterday during her punishment. She wasn’t about to make a habit of using the title, but she wanted Jesse to know she was sincere with what she was about to say. “I forgive you,” she fought to not glance over in his direction. “For getting in between Broadway and me.” She added carefully. She forgave him for a lot more, but that was all he had ever apologised for - the one time he had actually used the words I am sorry - and she didn’t want him thinking she was trying to undermine his decision to keep her as his slave. She doubted that would win his trust. She was still unsure how, or even if she could ever completely submit to him, but she was done holding everything she lost against him. “And… I really did have a wonderful time today, so thank you.”
